‘Children don’t need a picture-perfect mother’: Mumbai mom of two shares how she balances work and parenting by letting go of guilt, embracing small everyday moments and choosing connection over perfection

For Mumbai-based working mother Merlyn D’souza, parenting is not about being perfect or meeting every expectation. It is about making her children feel loved, safe and understood, even on days when balancing work and family feels overwhelming. An Associate Director of Public Relations at EL SOL Strategic Consultants, Merlyn is raising a six-year-old daughter and a one-year-old son. After a long day at work, the sight of her children running towards her for a hug is one of the moments she looks forward to most. It reminds her that being a good parent is not about doing everything right but about being present for the little moments that matter. This story is based on an article originally published by The Better India as part of its series, “Parenting: What Google Won’t Tell You”.Motherhood has also changed how she views the idea of being a good parent. Rather than trying to meet every expectation placed on mothers, she has learnt to focus on what makes her children feel loved, safe and understood.

Moving beyond the idea of a perfect mother

Merlyn became a mother in 2020, during the COVID-19 pandemic, when uncertainty and isolation had already made everyday life difficult. Her first pregnancy brought physical and emotional challenges, including feeding struggles, changes to her body and hair loss. Managing these experiences during a period when the world was dealing with a crisis made the pressure to do everything perfectly even harder.“Expecting perfection in the middle of all that is an impossible burden,” she says. Her experience of becoming a mother for the second time strengthened this understanding. She began to see that being a good mother did not mean having every aspect of parenting under control or constantly putting her own needs aside. What mattered more was the emotional security she could offer her children.“Children don’t need a picture-perfect mother; they just need you,” she says. For Merlyn, this means letting go of unrealistic expectations and understanding that every family has its own circumstances. There is no single routine or parenting method that works for everyone, and trying to match someone else’s version of motherhood can make an already demanding role feel even more exhausting.

Making everyday moments count

Balancing a career with parenting is easier for Merlyn because she has support at home. While she is at work, her husband and in-laws look after the children. Knowing they are cared for helps her focus on her professional responsibilities without constantly worrying about being away from them. Once she returns home, she tries to make the time she spends with her children meaningful. One of her everyday rituals is bathing them before bedtime, a simple routine that allows her to slow down and reconnect with them after the workday.Her six-year-old daughter often shares her world through songs, spontaneous dances, stories and play. Merlyn listens, encourages her and enjoys being part of these little performances. Her one-year-old son, meanwhile, needs a different kind of attention. For him, being held, feeling her warmth or simply having her nearby offers comfort.Merlyn believes being present does not necessarily mean giving both children exactly the same amount of time. Instead, it means recognising that their needs are different and responding to them as individuals. She also understands that parents cannot be emotionally available all the time if they are exhausted themselves. Her husband encourages her to take a power nap when she needs one, helping her recognise that rest is not a failure of parenting. Taking care of herself can help her return to her children with greater patience.

Choosing understanding over control

Merlyn’s approach to parenting also shapes how she responds when her children have tantrums or difficult moments. One firm rule in their home is that parents do not raise their hands. Instead, the focus is on allowing children to process their feelings rather than using fear to control their behaviour. She has also stopped comparing her parenting journey with those of other mothers. Social expectations can make parents feel that they are falling behind, but Merlyn believes every family has its own challenges, choices and experiences.Her advice is straightforward: try to understand rather than control, support your partner emotionally and learn to let go of comparisons. “Don’t compare,” she says. “We all have our own individual journeys, and we cannot have the same stories to tell.” For Merlyn, parenting does not need an elaborate routine or a perfect balance between work and home. Some days will be difficult, and others will feel messy or exhausting. But when she walks through the door and her children run towards her, she is reminded of what matters most. Being a present parent, she has learnt, is less about doing everything perfectly and more about making the moments together count.