He hid his face for years-until one woman helped him show it to the world: How self-acceptance changed a man’s life
Amit Gose was born in Silchar, Assam, India, the youngest of four siblings. His father, who was working in London at the time, had planned to wrap up everything and move back to India. However, when Amit was just a few months old, he was diagnosed with Neurofibromatosis. It is a disease characterized by the growth of tumors along nerves in the skin, brain, and spinal cord. While these tumors are usually benign, they can cause pain and disfigurement. There is no cure for the condition.Because of this diagnosis, his father decided to put his plans to return to India on hold and instead brought the whole family to the UK. He grew up in London and faced a lot of discrimination in school. “I did not have many friends. I was bullied and was often called “the boy with a funny face.” I received really mean comments that broke my heart.”
But there was one thing that became his savior — he loved cricket. When he was around 10 or 11 years old, he played really well in a match. “Suddenly, I realized that my identity had changed from “the boy with a funny face” to “the boy who plays cricket.” In fact, cricket helped me tremendously in building my confidence and self-esteem.”
Amit graduated, got a job and finally it was time to get married. “By then, all my siblings were married. I was only attending the weddings of friends and relatives. I had given up on the thought of ever getting married.” “I wanted to get married and tried everything, from blind dates to Shaadi.com, but obviously my face came in the way.”
Throughout his life, Amit had tried to hide his face. One incident hurt me deeply. One day, I attended a friend’s wedding, and an aunty tried to be sympathetic. She said, “Think of it this way — if you had a daughter, would you want to marry her to someone like you?” That hurt me so badly that I decided I would never get married.“I was trying so hard to be someone who would not be identified by his face but by the kind of person he is. But in that one moment, it all shattered.”
“Then I lost my father, who was my greatest champion and supporter. He was the only one who treated me like a normal child, just like my siblings. In fact, he scolded me like the others and pushed me to study hard and become independent. He worried about me, and in his last few days, I could see that concern in his eyes.”“I have a strong connection with India, and since 2013 I have visited every year. One of my sisters lives there, and I have friends whom I enjoy visiting. During one trip, I told a friend that I no longer wanted to get married. When I returned to London, he called me and said he knew a girl who might be interested in talking to me. I asked him to show her my photo first, because when people see me, they usually lose interest.My friend told me that the girl was from India and was a makeup artist who did not wish to move to London. However, he insisted that I should speak to her. He gave me her number and asked me to message her. I hesitated at first, but eventually I sent her a message. There was no reply that day, but the next day she responded.
We started talking. Piyali and I connected over messages and kept talking for a long time. Eventually, we began speaking on the phone. One day, she asked me to video call her. I was very nervous. I was sitting in my car when I made the call, hiding the side of my face where I have the problem. This continued for a while until one day she said, “If we are going to do this, you should show me your full face.” I did — and she had no reaction. She was completely okay with it.”However, the problems did not end there. While Amit’s family was very happy about the relationship, Piyali’s family was not. Her father was not ready to give her hand in marriage to someone with a facial deformity. “I was heartbroken. She stopped talking to me for some time because she did not want to go against her family for a four-month-old relationship. Eventually, she unblocked me, and we started talking again.”
His sister, who lived near Piyali’s house, finally convinced her family, and they got married. Her family did not want to invite many people, so it was a small ceremony. “She moved to London with me, and my life changed.” In fact, my life changed after Piyali came into it. Earlier, I was very uncomfortable with my looks. But she encouraged me to tell my story to the world. It was her idea that I make my first TikTok video, which went viral. Then I started posting more videos about confidence building. One day, I was invited to America to address 300–400 people. That boosted my confidence, and I began giving lectures in schools and colleges. Later, I met an official from the NHS who asked me to work with them on inclusivity. I had to pass an exam for the role — and I did.Amit learned and taught to the world an abiding lesson in life. The first step to success is self-acceptance. If you cannot accept yourself the way you are, the world will not either.
